


and why do some show no mercy

by insertcleveracejoke



Series: oh no, not now [2]
Category: Discworld - Terry Pratchett
Genre: I also love my nerd son-in-law, I love my coward son, I think chapter two will have Rincewind's, M/M, because apparently I cant be stopped, chapter one has Ponder's POV, last fic's title was a line of Vienna Teng's 'Stray Italian Greyhound', this one is from Andrew Bird's 'Imitosis', this was supposed to be an oneshot but oh well
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-21
Updated: 2018-10-22
Packaged: 2019-08-05 14:27:03
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,922
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16369316
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/insertcleveracejoke/pseuds/insertcleveracejoke
Summary: The thing about Rincewind is that he's smarter than Ponder thought at first.Okay, his skills are mostly related to survival, but they're skills nevertheless. They aren't any less useful than some of the wizards in the University's payroll- in fact, without Rincewind, it would have been much harder to deal with Roundworld's early people. The man knew his languages, including body language, and it was amazing to see how different he sounded when he was talking about something he really knew about. When he wasn't afraid.Of course, that was rare.





	1. it was anything but hear the voice

The thing about Rincewind is that he's smarter than Ponder thought at first. 

Okay, his skills are mostly related to survival, but they're skills nevertheless. They aren't any less useful than some of the wizards in the University's payroll- in fact, without Rincewind, it would have been much harder to deal with Roundworld's early people. The man knew his languages, including body language, and it was amazing to see how different he sounded when he was talking about something he really knew about. When he wasn't afraid.

Of course, that was rare.

Ponder started to call him to the HEM building when he was experimenting. It was always useful to have someone who could see danger in a soft cushion, and Rincewind was more sensible than most wizards while also not expecting him to know how everything worked like the students did. Ponder didn't have to explain everything. The wizzard (what was up with that spelling, anyway?) understood things quick and asked questions that, for once, didn't make him want to spend the rest of his days as a hermit contemplating trees and bushes somewhere near the Hub. Stibbons didn't have to know everything- they could figure it out together sometimes. More than once Rincewind's input had stopped a disaster before it even happened.

And then he had fallen asleep in his lab.

That had surprised Ponder. He knew by now that Rincewind could fall asleep more or less everywhere if he wanted, but the wizzard usually avoided doing so in places he deemed more dangerous than usual, like anywhere in which the senior wizards were arguing in, the deeper places in the Library, and, up until now, the HEM building. Ponder felt... weirdly touched. He sent a student out for a pillow and blanket, put one under Rincewind's head and covered his body with the other, and forgot about it until he woke up a few hours later. Only when hearing the shock in his voice did Ponder remember that he had woken up everytime someone had tried to do exactly what Hex's creator had done without a second thought. He didn't know how he felt about that. Most of the senior wizards considered him harmless in the same way you don't look twice at a kid and even his students had seen him with food stuck on his face way too many times to see him as anything but a strange teacher and coworker they were fond of. He tried hard not to feel offended. 

Falling asleep in the building became a habit. Ponder didn't mind. Rincewind looked strangely relaxed when he was asleep, up until the point when he had nightmares. There were weirder noises in the Unseen University anyway. He started keeping a stash of blankets and pillows in the lab- it was probably needed anyway with how often the students and him himself fell asleep there, he told himself. 

Yeah. It was just a matter of time.

(If he enjoyed knowing Rincewind felt safe enough to fall asleep there, it was nobody's business but his own.)

 

And then there had been a problem. You'd think the senior wizards had already learned their lesson with the last time they had taken a vacation in Roundworld, but apparently they believed themselves over any foreign universe and had therefore gotten themselves stuck in yet another dimension. Ponder was starting to wonder if he should put a tracker spell on them if only to make his own job easier when trying to bring their asses safe to home.

"We need to go. I don't trust them in another universe; I barely trust them in this one", he said, grabbing a bag and throwing anything he thought useful in there. He could just spell it lighter after packing. "They're gonna get themselves killed if we don't bring them back soon."

"Please don't say 'we'", Rincewind said. "Isn't HEX in the middle of repairs?"

"Yes, but we don't have enough time to wait for him to be fixed!"

"Stop saying 'we'! I have no intentions of being involved in this madness!"

Ponder opened his mouth- to say what, he wasn't sure; Ridcully already knew about the coal buckets - but then remembered the way Rincewind almost always wakes up screaming, the sheer number of scars in his back haunting even Ponder himself, how he always looks as dejected and resigned as someone can be, as if he already knows that, no matter what, he'll always be the universe punching bag. He closed his mouth.

"Okay", Ponder said. He felt his shoulders sagging.

Rincewind's expression suggested that, of all possible outcomes of this conversations, this was the one he didn't expect to even exist in the multiverse.

"Wait. What?"

"You're right. This isn't your mess. You've got nothing to do with this and it's too much to ask you to walk into danger for a bunch of people who wouldn't hesitate to kick you out if they thought you were not useful somehow". He took a deep breath. "I'm just going to have to do it alone."

"You mean, you're gonna walk into the L-space- because that's the only way in and we both know that- with only the Librarian and no Hex to help bring you back, not knowing what you're going to stumble into in another completely different world with no back-up? And you're not threatening or trying to bribe me to go too?"

He tried to imagine how it must feel, to be Rincewind and be sure the world's out to get you not because of paranoia but because it's how it worked until now. To have most of your scars in your back and know in your heart that the bigger the mess, the more likely someone is to get you involved, to be shocked when someone doesn't threaten to take away something that is rightfully yours- your possessions, your life, your buckets of coal.

Ponder could almost feel his own heart break with the sheer disbelief in Rincewind's face. How many had forced him to risk his life- and Ponder had done that too once, hadn't he, and Rincewind didn't seem to hold that against him, so used to it he barely stopped to think about the fact after he was safe. That was unfair.

"Apparently", he said.

He saw the exact moment Rincewind's shoulders sagged.

"I'm going."

"What?"

"If they die, who's gonna take over?"

"Well, technically, me, but-"

"But you'll be in another dimension. It'll be a matter of time until we go back to the dead man pointy shoes rule. Chances are theyre not letting me stay. So I'm going."

"Oh". That made sense. The thing Rincewind had always been consistently protective of were the things that marked him as a wizard, and his place in the Unseen University was one of those. Ponder felt weirdly relieved to know he wouldn't have to go alone after all. "Thank you."

"I'm not doing this for you", Rincewind mumbled. His face looked a little pinker than usual.

"I didn't say you were." Why would he?

"Good. Because I'm not."


	2. that says we're all basically alone

Rincewind must have been going crazy, he decided.

It was probably just a matter of time after everything strange that happened in his life, after all, he tried to convince himself. Surely he would have never agreed to come otherwise. Even if Ponder had looked at him like he was someone worth looking at. Rincewind couldn't even remember the last time someone had not only recognized that it was not his mess to fix but also offered to go into danger alone so he wouldn't need to. Not that it was relevant, of course. He wasn't here for Ponder. He was here for his laundry and coal, and, if he could tell the other when to start running in his way out, then that was just a bonus. Also, Rincewind spent so much time at the HEM building he probably owed him rent.

He couldn't help but think Twoflower would have forced him to go with his bright smile, obliviousness to near-death experiences, and iron grip. Ponder just had needed to look sad.

I really need to stop liking people, Rincewind thought. That's gonna get me killed.

"Can you take us to where they are?", Ponder asked the Librarian, who looked at Rincewind from up a shelf in a way that suggested he would be starting to throw peanuts at people in a few minutes

He shrugged in a way that he hoped expressed 'you and me both, buddy' before intervening. "Do it for your supply of bananas. I doubt the next Archchancellor will be as reasonable as this one, and that means something."

"Ook."

"You can't attack the Archchancellor. Well, you could, but..."

"Ook."

"I'm going for the same reason. I don't think most people would let me stay here, you know."

"Ook."

"Well, yes, maybe, but he's", Rincewind gestured with his thumb pointing at Ponder, who seemed to be distracted by an open book that, judging by the words he could read from there, was probably from Roundworld, "going too, or else I'd stay here."

"Ook."

"Don't."

Ponder turned a page, trusting Rincewind to handle the Librarian. He looked way too relaxed for someone who was going to another unknown dimension with a known coward. Maybe people were right when they said you could get used to anything? He put the book back in its place and opened another. The soft purple light that came from its pages iluminated his brown eyes in a way that Rincewind felt should probably be illegal near people who had been in more adventures than parties and were therefore more likely to have a heart attack.

"Ook?"

"Huh? Yes, I'm sure we can get you some peanuts to go with the bananas."

The Librarian grinned. Rincewind just knew that wasn't just about the peanuts. He frowned at the ape, who politely ignored that before swinging to behind his desk and coming back with a ball of red string.

"Ook."

"Good idea." Rincewind tapped Ponder's shoulder while the Librarian tied an end of the string to the nearest shelf. "He agreed. Let's go."

Ponder looked up, a little distracted. "Uh? Oh, yes. Well done, Rincewind."

The Librarian was definitely grinning at his blush now. 

 

It was just so unfair, he thought to himself as they traveled through the L-space with the Librarian's help. He hadn't blushed with mostly naked women or shirtless handsome men. It had always been just a background, more urgents questions like "oh shit oh shit oh shit this time I'm really gonna die" and "oh gods did I ever miss potatoes this much" occuping him too much for his mind to be able to focus on that. It had served him well. As a wizard, Rincewind had always assumed he'd be single forever and, after Coin, celibacy seemed like a very good idea after all. The only person able to regularly make him blush was in the other side of the Disc now and only sent letters once in while.

All it took Ponder was a "well done" and a smile. He didn't even seem to realize what he did.

Rincewind considered running away from the University, but that felt too much like giving up on his hat. Also, the Luggage loose in the world again? Not a good idea.

"Ook."

Ponder and him looked at each other and shrugged before walking through a perfectly solid bookshelf and stepping into what looked like a mix of cave and tomb that reminded Rincewind of where he had found the Agatea's red army of golems. He shuddered. No matter how many times he ended up in damp, dark places underground, they always made his feet itch with the urge to run. Rincewind looked around and found he could barely see the others in this darkness.

"It's too dark here", Ponder said and sighed. In a few seconds there was a ball of fire floating some inches above his hand.

He almost jumped. It always startled Rincewind a little to see Ponder doing magic. He spent so much time in calculations and working on HEX, that rarely needed actual spells to work, that it was easy to forget he could do that too. The wizzard tried not to feel envious. It was easy to feel terrified instead.

"Are you crazy? You never know with these places, it could have exploded! And if we're here...", he turned around and spotted two or three big, ancient books in a small ornate box. "Ha! If you had set them on fire, not only we'd be stuck here but the Librarian would probably kill us himself!"

"Ook." It wasn't hard for an ape to look threatening.

"Sorry", Ponder flushed. "Should I undo this?"

"No, it's already lit anyway, and you were right. It's too dark here. Now, where-"

Rincewind had a few rules in his life. Never worry about the 'to' in "where to run", a good sock with a half brick can solve more problems than some spells can cause, and, if you hear screams, run to the opposite direction of them.

It took him a few seconds to realize he was running in the ar because the Librarian was holding him up from the back of his robes.

"Must be them", Ponder frowned. He was used enough to Rincewind by now to ignore what had just happened. "We should go check."

The Librarian put him gently on his feet again.

"Here you go with the 'we' again", he grumbled.

"Would you rather stay here alone in the dark?"

"... We should go now."

Ponder covered his mouth with a hand. It didn't quite hide his smile.

Ridiculous, Rincewind thought at his own blushing face. Absolutely pathetic. Get out of here with your blushing and your urge to smile back even though you just agreed to follow the sounds of screaming in the dark with a wizard that rarely ever uses magic

"Ook."

"Alright", Rincewind said vaguely.

The flames didn't quite iluminate as much as they just let the wizards see each other and shaped the dark around them. It had just taken a few steps before they couldn't see the Librarian anymore, and only fifteen minutes of walking in the dark before they hit a door face-first. Only then did it lit up as a Hogwash tree with runes and octarine light pouring out of every carving. Ponder reached out to touch it and Rincewind grabbed his wrist in the middle of the movement. That was new. He'd usually be halfway to an exit by then.

"Don't be mad, you can't go touching these things! How do you know there's no traps?"

"I don't", Ponder said in a matter-of-fact tone, "but one of us need to touch it if we want to find them and I thought you wouldn't want to."

"You... Thought I wouldn't want to", Rincewind repeated.

"Well, yes. Was I wrong?"

"You were going to touch a door that could very well kill you or do something worse just because you thought I'd rather not do that myself."

"That seems correct, yes. Are you okay?", Ponder asked concerned, rolling up his sleeves. Faint octarine shone around them. "It's okay, I'm using this spell, I probably won't die- well, 67% of chances I won't, but-"

Rincewind grabbed the front of Ponder's robes and pulled him closer, smacking their lips together.

Ponder made a surprised sound and his hands floated a little around the wizzard's back before settling. They were still full of magic when he put them on Rincewind's shoulders and he tensed; most people's magic prickles and feels like a shock, and he was kind of expecting to be turned into something unpleasant when he realized how not-uncomfortable it is.

Ponder's magic didn't hurt. It felt warm and comforting, kind of like waking up with a blanket despite remembering clearly you didn't go to sleep with one. Rincewind found himself leaning into it.

Rough, chapped lips that were so different from Twoflower's soft ones moved against his and he thought about when he told Ponder he hadn't felt comfortable in years. He felt comfortable now.

And then the door opened and Rincewind jumped so far he ended up tripping and falling on his arse. Ponder turned like a whip, magic fire licking his fingers again for a second before he relaxed in the most tense way the other had ever seen. "Oh, Archchancellor."

"Honestly, Stibbons, what are you doing here?", Ridcully looked around. The other room was iluminated enough that its light poured lazily through the dark. "And Rincewind too!"

"I think it's Professor Rincewind, sir", he said, getting up and trying to brush the dust off his robes.

"We were worried, sir. Last time you went in a vacation in another dimension, we-"

"There's no need to worry, Mister Stibbons!", Ridcully said stern. "We can take care of ourselves, thank you very much! We found a lovely place. They seem to have a lot of hospitality here. But come in, it's time for dinner."

They glanced at the room. The senior wizards were all reunited around a table as round as the former Dean used to be, so much food on top of it Hex could have probably calculate the strain the fabric of time and space. Apparently they had somehow found one of the very few universes in which they were actually welcome and safe.

Of course.

Carefully avoiding looking each other in the eye, Rincewind and Ponder stepped in.


End file.
